Friday, November 18, 2016

Accepting Life As It Is

Tonight I was thinking a lot about God's timing when compared to my timing. My water-rationing days will likely span not weeks, but many months and possibly even a year. When I look back at all the times I have prayed for something specific, there are plenty of times my prayers were not answered as quickly as I'd hoped - nor in the way I had hoped.

For many many years, I'd prayed for a place of my own, a piece of ground, perhaps an acre. It didn't happen until I was 62. And it was only a mobile home, and not a piece of ground - we pay space rent here. But it is my home, it is paid for. It is old but it is shelter. It has issues but it has warmth. I honestly believe that if I had been able to get a home before this one, I would not have loved it and appreciated it as much as I do now, as much as I do this one.

I remember my mom telling me something. When she and my stepdad married, he was doing handyman work and any other work he could find. She loved him so much. He was a caring man and had erased all her bad memories of her first marriage. She wanted him home with her. She prayed that he could find a way to spend more time at home. Then he was in an accident. Someone hit him while he was on a Moped. Neither my stepdad nor the driver of that car had insurance. It took them years and years to pay off the medical bills. And he spent many months in a body cast from mid-chest to his ankles. So she always reminded me: Be careful what you pray for! It's not that she believed she caused his pain and suffering because she prayed for him to be home with her, but she did realize that we must live in the now and make the best of the now, and leave the rest to divine providence.

That advice, coupled with my own experience, has slowly changed my way of praying. I rarely get specific or demanding. I am careful to distinguish "want" from "need" - they are different.
So things might be inconvenient for me right now but they are far from impossible.

One day, after the pipes are fixed (because no one will buy it this way), I might have to consider selling this place. Or not. I have no idea what God has in store for me.

But every night, before I go to sleep, I thank him for this place which he so lovingly and carefully guided us to almost sixteen years ago.

Heavenly Father, forgive my impatience when I come to you in prayer. Whether it is for myself or for a friend or loved one, I do trust in your plans for each of us. I ask only for your continued guidance and grace, enough to help me deal with life as it is, not as I wish it could be. And thank you for helping me find joy in in my life as it is. I realize it doesn't mean I can't have goals and dreams, but it does mean that I should not expect everything the way I want it, exactly when I want it.

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