Holding Back Words of Appreciation

I was thinking today about how much I still miss my middle-aged nephew (like my own son) who passed away 2/1/14. I didn't realize how much help he was to me on yard sale weekends. He was only 58 when he passed on.

Anyhow, he was a help to me in lots of other ways, too. Unfortunately, when looking back, I see that I didn't tell him often enough how much I appreciated his help. I tried to make it evident in many ways, but sometimes we humans really, really find comfort in words of gratitude.

I think I know now why I hesitated and held back a lot back then. I am so used to being independent and self-reliant. All my life, I was the one folks depended on. When I was married (at 18, for only 3 years), I held two jobs and supported both of us. And many, many times in my life, I was the one folks came to for help. Even if I couldn't help personally, I usually knew who to send them to.

I think I had a hard time when I hit a wall in my 70s and realized that even though I could still do a lot, I did it a lot slower and with a tad more difficulty. That was very, very hard for me to admit to myself.

So, Frank, now that you are at peace, you already know why I held back. It wasn't because I didn't appreciate you and your help, honey, but because I was afraid of the limits I was facing while growing older.

Sweet Jesus, please help me to never hold back with words of gratitude and appreciation. And help me to forgive myself for holding back in this case.