Sudden Insight Into My Attitude

Tonight I seem to have crossed a threshold in my thinking about how I am dealing with some folks around me.

I had to pass a nursing home today. It brought tears to my eyes. I couldn't help remembering the final eight weeks which a dear old friend had spent in and out of there. I still have regrets about how I handled things and about what I should have done. Oh, I am dealing with it, but by rights, I should have learned from it.

I had similar feelings when my DM passed away in '94. I wondered back then why I didn't spend more time with her. Looking back, I know I could have managed it, and rather easily. Still, I had let life get in my way.

Again, with my sis, I had the same thoughts after she passed on.

Last night, a loved one said something rather startling. He is much younger than I. His pain is extreme. He does not have the funds for medical advice or the time for clinics. He isn't sure he can make it until he will qualify for Medicare.

I thought about him today. There are times I allow his ways to irritate me. Even though I have tried to shut up at these times, it is my own attitude that is getting in my own way. That phrase, "shut up," pops into my mind when things make me want to mouth off. That's what's blocking the Lord from working within me.

Tonight, I wondered how I would feel if he suddenly was called to the Lord. I know how I would feel. I would regret my silly need to instruct him, to lecture him, to guide him. He is an adult.

I suddenly realized that I need to think that way with anyone, anybody, on this earth. This could be either their last day or it could be my last day.

Is arguing the way I would want it to go down?

I know the answer to that.

This one twist in my thinking might just have given me what I need to make one more big adjustment in my life and in the way I deal with people who might annoy me.

I know I cannot become perfect before the Lord calls me, but hopefully this is one area where I can make a change for the better. It suddenly seems a lot easier.

Dear, Dear Father, Sweet Jesus, thank you both for being so patient with me all these years I've been on this earth. Be patient with me now while I work to adjust this quirk in my attitude. I think I have a handle on it now, thanks to your grace and love.