Words of Comfort

Lately I have had to realize that there is one area of my life where I am sadly lacking in skills. That area is when someone who is very ill needs words of comfort. Oh, I can hold a conversation, and I can say all the usual things like, “It will be all right,” or “I wish I could help you,” things like that.

After Jane passed away, I thought back to the final eight weeks. She knew it was coming. She told me several times even when medical people said she would probably be fine as they treated each physical system in her body that was shutting down. But in looking back, those aren’t the words I think she needed.

She didn’t obsess on it, but she brought it up at least three different times, quietly - “I’m not going to be in this world much longer,” or “I’m not long for this world.”

I should have asked her why she felt like that. I could have prayed with her. Not the wonderful words that some of my more spiritual friends can pull out at a moment’s notice - I’m not that skilled. But I know Jane loved the Lord’s Prayer and the 23rd Psalm. I could have either asked her if she’d like to say them with me, or I could have begun them myself and I know she would have whispered along with me.

When my mom was failing and I wasn’t aware of it, I did not seem to find the time to say the things that would have comforted her. I could have told her how much it meant to me that she was my mother, that God sent me to her and no one else. I could have told her all the things I realize she suffered and did for me and my sister and brother, things I only now realize in adulthood. I assumed she knew - how foolish of me.

I am not the type of person who is a martyr and tortures herself by beating herself up. But I’m smart enough to know when life whispers little lessons into my ear. I don’t believe that any of us is too old to learn.

Father, thank you for tipping me off to the areas of my life that need some more refining, and please send me the grace to do better.