Saturday, April 25, 2015

All in the Way I Look at It

Today, I happened to be emailing a friend and we were talking about our current life situations. After I shared some of my thoughts with him, I thought they might be worth sharing here. Even if they are worth nothing to anyone else, my putting them here helps me to remember them exactly when I need to recapture the attitude.

We were being specific about health, finances and so on.

My thoughts, as told to him:
"In spite of all my financial issues, and in spite of how much I loved both Jane and Frank, I am happily surprised at how less stressed I am without caregiving of any kind. With Jane it was physical, (24/7 for years); with Frank, clerical and other ways (he couldn't see half the paperwork and his right arm shook so much I had to fill most of it out; half the time he couldn't sit for long waits in facilities so I had POA and did all the sitting and applying and so forth, for him). I don't resent or regret any of it and often wish I had done more. 

But that said, I almost feel guilty enjoying regulating my own time - I am still learning how to do that once more - I am terrible at it because for almost 10 years it was out of my control.

Financially, happy to report that I am still going into each month about $200 in the hole - I say "happily" because a year ago, I was entering each month $400 in the hole - the size of our troubles depend on how we look at them.

I have "electronic sticky notes" on my PC desktop - one, from a daily inspirational email, says "Resolve not to magnify small problems." I realize it's another version of the old saw, "Don't make mountains out of molehills." but this version is more affirmative and cheerful - again, all in how we look at things - gee, I'm awfully philosophical this morning - I'd better do something frivolous to get out of this mood (lol)."

With that, I ended our emails for the day. It did not end my thoughts. I have always known that the way I deal with life, no matter what it tosses at me, is all up to me. Once in a while, I do need to remind myself of that.

Sweet Jesus, you showed us by your loving and perfect example how to live our lives in the midst of turmoil. You knew you faced certain death and yet celebrated Passover with your disciples, taking time to eat with them and talk with them, sharing your love and peace. Help me, please, to fill my own heart and soul with that peace and that faith.  

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