Saturday, December 19, 2009

Humility is Hard to Achieve

I've never been able to figure out why, when I am trying my hardest to either overcome a bad habit, or trying to begin a new one, I have such a hard time. This past few weeks, I have been trying, unsuccessfully, to resist the urge to rise to the bait when my views are challenged.

I know that my opinion is not the most important thing in everyone else's life. I also know that I have a strong urge to "explain," "teach," and "nurture." However, it is not always my place to do that. I try, at those times, to remember that Jesus resisted the urge to speak out in his own defense during his mock trial, during his terrible physical ordeal, and even on the cross. I am nowhere near as holy or pure of heart as he is. So, it is one of the faults I try to overcome.

Still, the harder I try, the harder it is to bite my tongue. I keep wanting to explain "why" I said this or that, "why" I think it is important for the other person to understand my view, and the harder I try, the more I react.

I think, sometimes, that the other side of us must not want us to win some battles over our character faults. That "other" side of us, I think, puts up barriers that are very hard to hurdle. So, rather than torment myself with my failings in this area, perhaps I ought to just pray a bit on this matter.

Father, you know how much I want to be humble for you, and you know how much I am trying to overcome this matter of pride in my own opinions; please accept my honest attempts and please, fill me with all the grace and gifts I need to be what you'd like me to be.

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