Meek or Weak?

I think I need to pray for a little more humility and perhaps for the grace to be meek. I have a problem with "meek." For many, many years, I was very timid and shy, except around extremely close friends, and family. Then I tended to be, um, "right" all the time. Part of that need to be right came from helping to take care of my younger brother and sister while we were growing up. When you are in charge of little ones, even if you, yourself, are a "little one," you need to be able to take charge, you need the confidence that will get them to listen to you when you need to guide them.

In addition, almost all my jobs required a bit more than average responsibility levels. Add to that, I supported my husband and I from when I was 18 until I left him when I was 21, and held two jobs to do so. He had a hard time holding onto jobs. Add to that the fact that I ended up paying most of the freight with roommates after that.

I somehow fell into a "take charge" personality. This, however, can backfire over the years into a "bossy" personality. I surely do not like to think of myself as bossy. None of the folks I ever worked with, or any of my friends or acquaintances, or family, has ever used that word regarding me. However, there have been more than a few times when that tendency to "need to be right" has been mentioned to me.

So, I guess it's time to address it. This is hard for me. I always equate the word "meek" with "weak." I know they are not the same. I truly think it takes a very strong person to be meek. It is very, very hard for me to shut up when I feel I have a right to voice my opinion. How can I work this out, how can I convince myself the meek is not always weak?

One example comes to mind immediately. Jesus was meek. He took all sorts of insults and suffered humiliation and yet he did not jump right in to defend himself. The time wasn't right, apparently. That's it, then - I will try to recall his example when that need to be right nudges me.

Father, please fill me with all the grace I need, and the gifts of the Spirit, that I may slowly but steadily develop that attitude of the meek and that I might recall your son's example when that need arises.