Blind Faith

This is one of those nights when I feel I should post but I have no idea what to write. It has been crazy here, what with the financial worries. We have pretty much decided to apply for disability for my middle-aged nephew. He probably should have been on it a few years ago. He's had severe arthritis since he was ten, but learned to live with the pain. Nowadays, it is getting worse.

While he still had medical coverage, which ended a week ago, the doctor was concentrating mostly on more urgent needs, like blood pressure, cholesterol, and out-of-control diabetes. The meds for those, by the way, ended tonight, and there is no way we can pay for refills at the normal, not the co-pay, cost. My own meds ran out this week, but I am only on blood pressure meds and not dealing with a severe situation, even though I am far older than he is. Right now, he cannot stand for long periods for his former cook's jobs or even a convenience store, and the cab work, at 12 hrs a day, was causing major troubles from all the sitting/driving. There may have been other damage from the April accident, as well.

We will be checking with a disability contingency lawyer ASAP, and plan to call tomorrow. These cases take time, however, and we are behind in utilities, the home insurance expired, and we have a major car payment the last week of the month. We missed last month's payment but because of good history with that place, they allowed me to make half a payment this week, but I must pay the other half, plus the normal one, on the 26th. I have no clue how the Lord plans to work this out because all we have had for almost two months is my own SS income, plus a teensy amount I am picking up doing website articles.

I think I needed to post tonight so I could "see" these things clearly. We have not gone under, yet. I still have enough Faith to keep me on an even keel. But I can see I do need to pray a little more sensibly. This past two or three weeks, I was so busy trying to prepare for the yard sale last weekend that only pulled in $58, that I just moved blindly through my days, doing what needed to be done.

I was blind to what "really" needed to be done, a heart-to-heart with the Lord, on a much more personal level that I was on. So, I will try to get back on the right prayer-track and try to hear what I need to hear from him and do what he needs me to do for him.

Dear, sweet Lord, forgive my frozen state this past couple of weeks. I have faith in you and your promises to care for us, and I do believe it. While I moved, unconsciously, through these days and nights, I think I was riding on blind faith. That is not a terrible thing. But now I need to have a more lively, more vibrant faith, to move forward in whatever way you have mapped out for us.