Is the Past Really in the Past?

I thought a lot this past 24 hours about things I have done in the past, things against the Commandments. For me, it is hard to forget what I have done wrong in my life. I have a strong conscience. That doesn't mean I have not done wrong. It only means that I am totally aware of it, most times, and still I do what I know is wrong.

I know that God forgives us completely if we are truly sorry for what we do. I try to use those times as a guide toward my future actions. Still, the memories creep in at times.

Some things were done in my drinking years, when I was an active alcoholic for 17 years of my younger life. For years, I told myself that when I was sober, I was different. I told myself that I did some things because I couldn't control myself when I was under the influence. That is only partly true. I could have stopped my actions if only I hadn't taken that first drink each time. I just was not ready to stop, I suppose.

Anyhow, I do not torment myself with past indiscretions or wrongs. What I do is simply to remind myself that I am human and that if it was that easy to do wrong in the past, it is always possible to do wrong in the future. Yep, even 71-yr-old "old ladies" can do wrong.

When I was abrupt or "short" with someone, how do I know if I ended up ruining that person's day? If I did not help someone who needs my help, especially if it was something easy for me to do, how do I know that there was nobody else to help them with their need? When I gossiped or criticized someone, how do I know whether I spread words that can never be undone or taken back, but which damaged someone's life?

Dear Father, guide me, please, in my thoughts and actions, that I may try to always follow your path, and remind me that I am human and that I can always depend on you for help.