Numbing Worries

I began this blog many months ago as a sort of prayer journal, to help myself understand the power of prayer. Many posts are about my need to pray on different issues. Tonight, my worries over the future of a dear old family friend are very heavy. I am numb with worry. Too numb, almost, to even pray.

What can I do at a time like this? Prayer is what keeps me going. Praying is hope. When I pray, it means I am hoping for help, hoping for an answer. It does not matter whether I like that answer. At least if I do get an answer, I can move on. For now, I am stalled.

I am afraid to pray, afraid of what that answer will be. Will she be all right? Will she be able to come home, or will she have to enter long term care? If she does come home, will she be the same person, inside, that we all knew and loved? If she comes home, am I going to be able to take care of her without endangering her safety? How much more can she take?

As for how much more I can take, I can take, I suppose, all that comes my way, with God’s help. I do not have the level of troubles that she has. So, maybe that’s my answer, maybe that’s how I should pray. I need to pray for the best outcome for her sake, not for mine. His will, not mine, be done.

Father, I do not know what you want of me; I do not know what the future holds; I only know that you hold the answer and I must wait upon that answer; please, send me the patience to get through this confusing time.