Praying for an Attitude Adjustment for Myself

My outlook on life seems to be changing its focus and I do not like it at all. I’m not sure whether it’s because I’m getting older, or whether life’s issues have worn down my defenses, or whether I just miss certain people to talk things over with.

All my life, I was always the one who folks came to when they needed to be uplifted or needed to find an upbeat way of looking at life’s issues. I have been the optimist. Not a Pollyanna, but just a person who never allowed fear or worry to last long in my mind.

Now, it seems, I am beginning to sound like a whiner and I don’t like it. Mostly, I’ve posted and shared because I just wanted folks to know why I can’t do what I used to do, or because if I can get through a difficult time, maybe it will give them hope to do that, too.

It’s sounding different to me, though, lately.

I know God has my back. It’s the one thing I have always kept in mind. But these days, my worry-spells last longer than they ever used to last. I used to be able to kick a mood out of my head in a few minutes. Now it may take an hour. In that hour, I’m afraid I bother people. 

I do not want to fall into depression. That has never been a fear of mine. I have at least half a dozen very dear friends with this problem, and my heart aches for them. When that happens, nothing I say is able to help. So I pray for them.

Now, I must pray for me. Not because I fear depression for me. But because I do not want worry to rob me of that peace that I used to feel no matter what life tossed my way. And in my 75 years, life has tossed a lot my way.

I just looked back at the beginning of this post, at the reasons I considered for my change in attitude.

Age is not an excuse. I loved my mother dearly, with all my heart, but we disagreed on one big thing. She often said that after she got older, she didn’t need to change any further. I disagree. I want to keep changing - for the good.

Life’s issues should not be allowed to wear down my defenses. They never have before. I must keep reminding myself of that. I have had much worse to deal with, and I have come through because of my faith.

However, part of it could be because I miss having a dear one to talk things over with. This just means I need to adjust - a little, or a lot. But I do need to adjust. No biggie - I just need to do it.

Father, Sweet Lord Jesus, and most Holy Spirit, I call on each of you, each in your own way, to help me get back on track if I have truly slipped off, and to stay on track. Help me to remember all the times you have bailed me out of troubled times. And help me to resist the urge to share too much when it is not going to do anyone any good to do so.