All my life, I was always the one who folks came to when they needed to be uplifted or needed to find an upbeat way of looking at life’s issues. I have been the optimist. Not a Pollyanna, but just a person who never allowed fear or worry to last long in my mind.
Now, it seems, I am beginning to sound like a whiner and I don’t like it. Mostly, I’ve posted and shared because I just wanted folks to know why I can’t do what I used to do, or because if I can get through a difficult time, maybe it will give them hope to do that, too.
It’s sounding different to me, though, lately.
I know God has my back. It’s the one thing I have always kept in mind. But these days, my worry-spells last longer than they ever used to last. I used to be able to kick a mood out of my head in a few minutes. Now it may take an hour. In that hour, I’m afraid I bother people.
I do not want to fall into depression. That has never been a fear of mine. I have at least half a dozen very dear friends with this problem, and my heart aches for them. When that happens, nothing I say is able to help. So I pray for them.
Now, I must pray for me. Not because I fear depression for me. But because I do not want worry to rob me of that peace that I used to feel no matter what life tossed my way. And in my 75 years, life has tossed a lot my way.
I just looked back at the beginning of this post, at the reasons I considered for my change in attitude.
Age is not an excuse. I loved my mother dearly, with all my heart, but we disagreed on one big thing. She often said that after she got older, she didn’t need to change any further. I disagree. I want to keep changing - for the good.
Life’s issues should not be allowed to wear down my defenses. They never have before. I must keep reminding myself of that. I have had much worse to deal with, and I have come through because of my faith.
However, part of it could be because I miss having a dear one to talk things over with. This just means I need to adjust - a little, or a lot. But I do need to adjust. No biggie - I just need to do it.